in a very 'henry higgins' sort of way:

"damn damn damn!"

i'm sick and tired of my life not being my own.  being a puppet in a drama written, directed and sponsored by someone else.  not having a say.  not having control.  being given choices one at a time to accept or reject (with punishment, mind you)

i'm tired of being abased and abused in working situations

i'm tired of being insulted and betrayed

i'm tired of being told to sacrifice, without concrete promise of future payoff for the sacrifice. 

i'm tired of fearing failure

i'm tired of fearing the loss of friendship

i'm tired of depression

i'm tired of awaking every day and falling into bed each night, not knowing what i'm actually doing awake

i'm tired of wasting my life away

i'm tired of always being a step behind instead of a step ahead

i'm tired of hating myself

i'm tired of wanting to constantly drink (which i did indulge the other night - only the third time in my life i've gotten drunk)

i'm tired of knowing that i believe in a God greater than me and all of this shit, and yet fighting every day to keep my head above water (without him, which is stupid. really)

i'm tired of being tired always

i'm tired

.....so i made brownies